Cats have long known that the key to world domination is a whole lot of mystery mixed in with a whole lot of cuteness that humans cannot resist. They take a little then give a little without revealing too much. This is the way of cats that we have come to appreciate and adore. A dash of intrigue with lashings of cat fur croutons on your salad, thanks Floofles!
We’re kickstarting our Summer Haiku series again and what better way to get going than celebrating Cat World Domination Day. As you can imagine the Chirpies are quite vocal about the topic and they have chosen Baggy as Spokescat. I hand you over to Baggy the cat, who cat-splains how he firmly believes that cats can and must do more for cat kind everywhere.
Hello kitties, I’m Baggy (CMM) Chief Mischief Maker at the Chirpy house. I believe that we cannot rest on our fluffy cat bottoms but have to keep working to not only maintain the status quo of cats as rulers of their domain but push it to the next level as cat rulers of the world.
Our self-domestication essentially means that we hold the key to Cat World Domination in our paws. We just have to want it badly enough.
There are some bad people out there!
We rule our domains and some say, we rule the internet. But is that enough? I don’t think so. We have to raise awareness of all the bad things happening to our feral cat brothers, we need to advocate more for TNR programs around the world and fight for more scientific research into cat diseases.
Let us squash the stereotype that cats are jerks because too many cats are surrendered to shelters because of this belief. Yes, I knock things off tables but this is just a silly diversion to create hype and internet memes. It also means you as humans should take your cat enrichment to the next level and entertain me, but I digress.
So, to all the cats out there and to the humans listening, take heed of the points below. We cannot be complacent and rely on being the stars of the interwebs, because in some circles, that is being debated! We need to further entrench our position as mascots of the internet before it’s taken from us from right under our noses!
How to achieve true cat world domination
The key to world domination is to keep humans on your side without revealing too much. We are the masters of subtlety. Humans like this trait, so use it in favorable ways.
1. Keep up the aura of mystery.
The only way to rule the world is to remain an enigma and mystery is a good thing. Dogs wear their hearts on their paw sleeves but cats lock theirs inside, revealed only to those worthy of being accepted into our world.
2. Keep giving those purrs and biscuits that humans love so much.
You will really creep right into their hearts. Once you have crept into their hearts, they’re yours forever.
3. Keep the humans guessing.
Humans are now taught to think like a cat. No! Be one step ahead, always. This can be taken literally and figuratively! (Oops, did I trip you down the stairs, sorry!)
4. Squash the stereotype that cats are jerks
Encourage your human to post positive memes. Our reputation as jerks has to go right meow!
5. We need humans to champion for our rights
It’s a symbiotic relationship, so keep the humans close to your pillow. Yes, I know many of you love your humans unconditionally, this is not a bad thing, in fact, it’s great that you have that relationship, but use it wisely. Don’t be needy, only kneady.
6. Groom your fur sibs and most importantly groom your humans.
Do not underestimate the power of the bonding scent. Your human will be yours forever. Try to get some humans on your side. Mold the ones who are easily manipulated to your every beck and call. This is a surefire way to cat world domination!
7. Get the media on your side
Everyone knows if you can rule the media, you can rule the world. Get those cat memes to go viral because the internet can never have too much cute catness and cattitude. We need more human ‘slip-ups’ like the person who left the cat filter on during an important governmental live-streamed press conference. I advocate for cat filters on all live-streamed meetings across the globe.
8. Attend the worldwide wormhole meetings
Hop into one of the many secret wormholes around and enter the highways known only to cats. This is where we discuss impurrtant cat agendas. Come with your best cat filters switched on!
Kitties, if you feel that you’re losing the battle we hope that these Haiku in the gallery below will give you the inspiration to light that fire within. You got this!
Happy Cat World Domination Day!
Would you like to see how other cats around the world are celebrating Cat World Domination Day? Check out Summer’s blog at Sparklecat where she is holding a huge giveaway for some lucky kitties!